Sorry for the hiccup and that this post is so late. This week’s weekly favorites will resume back on Wednesday!
Strangely, it has been quite an exhausting week, considering that I even cut back on the half-marathon training due to some of my scheduled plans. I went to visit old friends at my alma mater last week. This visit was much more memorable and worthwhile than I originally anticipated, despite also getting my car towed and having to spend a fortune getting it back (ask me in person or in the comments below). I really didn’t visit all year, but I wanted to catch up with those that were preparing to graduate soon and to see some of my underclassmen-turned-upperclassmen friends. I wanted to support and encourage these friends of mine as they prepared for the next chapter of their lives.
It was weird being back as an alumnus because once I stepped on campus, it still felt oddly familiar — almost a bit like home. I attended my old college Christian fellowship, and was surprised that I couldn’t recognize a lot of people. More than half of the room was filled with strangers and new faces. But it didn’t really matter when the lights turned off and the musical worship began. We sang some of my favorite hymns, but there was a particular sense of brokenness as we all loudly sang “Be Thou My Vision” and when we cried out, Oh God, be my everything, be my delight. Be Jesus my glory, my soul’s satisfied.
I think my soul was weary and hungry to be refreshed and renewed. Perhaps I’ve been too caught up with doing things and serving others on my own strength. I gave myself pressure to strive for more and to be better at being in control. In my stubbornness, I wanted to endure without God’s Word, to just motivate myself somehow to keep pressing on. I was also trying to gain comfort from other people because they’re tangible and immediately there, instead of turning to the ultimate source of rest: God Himself. Letting go of myself was hard and it was even harder to admit that enduring without God is impossible. As I sang with my arms in surrender, it was humbling to lay down my burdens before God, to confess that in the midst of trying to figure things out on my own, I was feeling increasingly lost and directionless.
This life is confusing. It is tiring and full of distractions that tries to hinder our worship to the only One that is worthy. We are constantly told what we ought to be, bombarded with messages of what we are missing out on, and things that we should pursue. In a way, the world wants us to be our own god. But it is not my goal in life to be a creature living in luxurious comfort, to fill my belly with all that this world has to offer. More and more, I want to find true rest and comfort in Jesus, to have my eyes focused only on eternity.
Oh God, be my everything, be my delight. Be Jesus my glory, my soul’s satisfied.