I’ve been quite distracted lately, with my thoughts scrambling all over the place and my feelings going from very high high’s to low low’s. I ponder and mull over my life until my head hurts and the ending result is still unknown. I hate to admit that my heart has been battling much discontentment, fear, and anxiety.
Yet the more that I try to think about possible scenarios of how the future will play out, the more restless I become. When I shared all my struggles with my discipler, she gently reminded me that I really needed to surrender my future to God. Instead of thinking in circles and freaking out about the unknown, I should be praying and praying some more.
Praying should be easy. I can pray anytime, anywhere. But it hasn’t been for me. Rather, I have been afraid to pray, to relinquish control and to fully trust in God.
I have selfish thoughts like What if what He wants for me isn’t what I desire? What if He will make it really clear that He wants me give up these desires? Will what will unfold in the future really be worth the sacrifices I would have to make now?
While I know in my head that God’s plans are better and that His ways are always good, my heart wrestles with doubt. I’m scared to pray for God’s will to be done with my life, to ask God to help me to let go of my desires that might not be in alignment with what He wants for me. It has been hard to believe in what I know to be true, found in Hebrews 4:14-16:
Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
I can trust in God because He is my loving Father that knows me by name and sees all my needs. He is working for me, not against me. Christ is quick to forgive, heal, and restore us from our sins; that even the midst of hard days and sleepless nights, God is sovereign and knows everything that is going on in my heart. All trials and suffering in this life are temporary and are never an accident or a waste, rather, they are an opportunity for further spiritual refinement and growth.
So for the past few days, when it has been difficult to pray and I don’t know where to start and how to confess all my jumbled feelings, I begin to sing. I find that hymns or songs that are rich with doctrinal truths and scriptural references have been quite comforting and effective in helping me to stand firm in faith.
The song that I have been singing on repeat is called Still, My Soul Be Still by Keith and Kristyn Getty (linked above).
I pray that if you are also going through a rough time in life or you are overwhelmed by busyness, that these lyrics would comfort you and draw you to rest in Christ.
Still my soul be still and do not fear
Though winds of change may rage tomorrow
God is at your side
No longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow
God, You are my God, and I will trust in You and not be shaken
Lord of peace renew a steadfast spirit within me
To rest in You alone
Still my soul be still do not be moved
By lesser lights and fleeting shadows
Hold onto His ways with shield of faith
Against temptation’s flaming arrows
Still my soul be still do not forsake
The Truth you learned in the beginning
Wait upon the Lord
And hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming