When God Ruins My Plans

When I am not lazy, I am a planner by heart. I like to plan out my days in my head, from what I will be doing at 8:00 AM tomorrow, to big goals that I aim to accomplish by the end of the year. I enjoy mapping out my schedule, and sometimes when I am bored, I will jot down what I envision my day to be in one-hour increments. Or, I will create checklists of things to do because I not only love planning, but I like executing. Being idle and not having something to do, not having set plans, makes me feel uneasy and restless. Even when plans oftentimes go awry, I am usually okay as long as I have anticipated beforehand that things might not work out, or at least have thought of a couple backup scenarios that might be just as satisfactory as my original schemes.

Does this make me sound crazy?

Anyway, my point is, I like when things go accordingly to my ways. When plans fall through, especially if it was something that I really wanted to do, I know it is God’s way of sanctifying me. When the unexpected happens and I don’t foresee the changes, I have no doubt that God is teaching me to stop desiring control and to submit to His Lordship.

In fact, I am learning this lesson as I type because my plans got messed up today.

I intended to exercise with a friend, which is part of our usual weekly Monday night routine. I was looking forward to it, especially since I had not exercised in a week and felt out of shape when I did not get any exercise in over the weekend. Two hours before we are supposed to meet, I get a text message from my friend, saying that she would be late and asking whether we could push back the meeting. Thirty minutes after agreeing to a later time, my friend tells me the bad news that where we wanted to go may actually be closing by the time we would get there.

I was surprised and a little thrown off, but then entered into a backup plan frenzy state of mind. I wanted to workout and was pretty sure that I could still make it work somehow. I quickly inquired whether other people would be there earlier, knowing that an immediate confirmation meant that I would be able to go ahead on my own without my friend.

Tick, tock.

I waited and stared at my phone, waiting for a notification. I got more anxious as time went on without receiving a definite answer.

By then, I knew. As I was waiting for my friend’s response, it sunk in for me that I should not go, even if I did receive the green light that people would already be there. I knew that God was creating obstacles to prevent me from going so that He could discipline me, out of His protective love for me.

But instead of rejoicing, I was completely frustrated and angry. It’s not fair, I thought. By this point, my heart was already throwing a childish tantrum.

Agitated (maybe also with the Spirit at work), I called up my accountability partner and told her about the situation I was in. And my accountability partner only confirmed for me what I did not want to hear – that I should not go workout if this particular friend was not going, and that I should just spend my time at home doing other things, such as resting and serving my family. I hung up the phone, pretty shaken and upset. I weighed the choices before me, debating whether I should pretend that I did not receive that advice.

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

With tears streaming down my face, I texted my friend that I would not be going after all. God, you win. And sure enough, shortly after I made my final decision, my friend finally responds that other people are there and that I could go without her if I wanted to.

Except, I knew I really could not.

Now, this all seems quite silly. Why get so upset over not having to exercise? Shouldn’t I have been happy that I got to skip out?

Ah, but this was not just a random occurrence.

What I went through tonight was a testing of my faith. It was a test of submission to what God wanted and what decision would be more honoring to Him, and not what I had desired for myself. My heart was unhappy, and to be honest, it was not a result of missing the opportunity to exercise. I was angry that God presented me with obstacles to uncover the idols of my heart. I was discontent that He interrupted my priorities. Not being able to workout was not a simple coincidence, a random event. God knew. He was breaking me so that I could seek Him. He was causing me to rely more on His grace. And he divinely orchestrated that missed opportunity in order for me to recognize my sins so that I could come crawling back to Him.

Through this slight setback, God was trying to point out that He reigns over all things, over all the little details of my life. This includes my schedules and goals. It includes all the interruptions and the unexpected.

While I was more intently focused on seeking muscular gains tonight, God desired for me to grow in maturity, in trusting Him as the Sovereign Planner of my life. In the end, God prevented me from doing what I wanted to do today so that my eyes could be opened to what I needed more in my life – Himself.